can you go 30 days without complaining???

Can you go 30 days without complaining? How often do we complain and don't even realize that we are? How uncomfortable does it make you feel when some one else complains? I have been "Complaining" for years about how rotten our customer service is, when one day I realized that by complaining about it, I was making myself feel worse, then the actual experience of the poor service. I started to listen to what I was saying (difficult for me, as I talk A LOT!) and I realized that I complained a lot about things I had no control over, such as poor service, bad traffic, awful weather, rude people, high gas prices, etc.

I started thinking how does it help me to complain? Does it make a difference? Did I change anything? What was the end result? I realized that the end result was that I felt angry, annoyed and irritated most of the time, but nothing outside of me changed.

Years ago I had the opportunity to work with an amazing Dutch man. He was probably 65 or 70 at the time, though to my young years (25) he was ancient and therefore must be very wise. In retrospect, he is still one of the wisest, kindest, intelligent men I have ever had the privilege to know. He taught me a lot about the business world, myself and most importantly about other people. I have carried his lessons with me most of my life, and when I forget them is when I start to get annoyed, angry and frustrated.

What he taught me boiled down to one very small, yet important bit of information. I came into the office one day angry, frustrated and out of control. Sparks were just flying off me! He asked me what was wrong. I said "Some stupid idiot, just cut me off, put me in danger and then just drove off! I hate people like that, they make me so mad!" I was probably frothing at the mouth and obviously carried on for a while. When he could get a word in edgewise, he gently asked me "Susan, why do you let this man get to you? Do you think he even remembers doing what you said he did? Even if he did, do you think he is allowing it to affect his day?" As I angrily shook my head, slowly what he said began to sink into my head. He then gave me a smile and said the words that I will always remember, "Then why are you letting it affect your entire day?"

As I opened my mouth to respond, he smiled again at me, and I closed my mouth, I thought to myself, "Wow, why I have let a total stranger change my whole day? Why am I letting him have such power over me? With that thought, I slowly calmed down and when I remember his lesson, (I don’t always); I am like a duck and let things slide off my back. Give it a try, you might have a better day!

So, with this in mind I decided to make myself try to go for a month with out complaining. To learn more about this challenge click here: www.amnenterprises.com

The Success Train - Or What Station Do I Get Out At?

Goal Achievement is like a speeding train, you need to map your trip and remember to get off at the correct station. So, knowing this, are you unknowingly holding up your own success, are you getting off at the wrong station?
Statistics show that less than 26% of people turn their dreams into tangible results. Which means that 74% of the population never allow their dreams and goals to come to fruition; they just swirl around in their minds and always remain what ifs, should have’s, and could have’s. The importance of turning your hopes, dreams and wishes into a series of clear, action oriented goals cannot be overstated.
Goals must have a measurable result with a timeframe for completion. A measurable goal is quantifiable. It is described in such a way that the actual result cannot be disputed. If you cannot measure something, chances are you cannot effectively manage it.
Using the train analogy...
1. Set your goals so they are directly aligned with your life purpose (buy the correct ticket!).
2. Create goals high enough to excite you and inspire you to take action.(make sure this is a trip you want to go on!)
3. Set a whole series of related daily, weekly and long-term goals, complete with starting times and completion dates. (read the train schedule!)
4.Write your goals down!(Circle the stops you want to get on and off from!)
5. Take time every day to imagine how terrific it will feel when your goals are actually realized.(Buy film to take pictures of your destination!)
So what happens if you do all of the above and you still aren’t achieving your goals? Sometimes we get sidetracked by life and end up having to take a detour. I hate it when that happens don’t you? Why does that happen so often?
An experience I had one day made me think about why the straight and narrow track you try to stay on when you are going for your goal, all of a sudden veers off for no apparent reason!
As I thought about my experience, I realized that sometimes the road to goal fulfillment can take a detour. Instead of cursing the detour, look out the window at the scenery and try to figure out why the detour occurred. Think instead, “What did I gain from the detour”? Maybe it wasn’t a detour, but actually the way you were suppose to go? What did you learn from the detour? Sometimes, we learn something, sometimes we pass on knowledge, and sometimes we learn patience.
Sometimes, we just wonder, “ok what did I do wrong?” But, as a very wise friend once told me, “You made the best choice you could with the information you had!”, or a quote from my favorite movie, The Lion King, “Forget about it, its in the past!”
Whatever the reason for the detour, take the knowledge you gained and apply it towards your future.
Contact Susan@coaching4tomorrow.com, to receive the free e-book that this article is an excerpt from.
Susan Feder is a certified Life Coach, and owner of Coaching4tomorrow. She currently is offering individual and group coaching, and personalized "Find Your Joy" workshops and retreats.
http://www.coaching4tomorrow.com
http://www.coaching4tomorrow.com/life-coaching-blog.html

Feel the Fear, and do it anyway!

Hello everybody!
After a long absence, both Coaching4Tomorrow and I are back on line. Today I learned why I took an unplanned sabbatical from my business and my goals. I felt fear and retreated. I used all sorts of excuses to justify not following up and not forging forward. Today, I learned about facing your fear and doing it anyway! I am taking an eye opening class from an amazing woman, Marcia Bench, the founder of numerous businesses including the Career Coach Institute.

The class today touched on what to do when you feel fear. This can not only deal with starting a business but also in life itself. If you feel fear, instead of putting it aside or ignoring it, pay attention to it. Open your arms and welcome it into your world! Listen to your fear, respect your fear and learn from your fear. Fear is good, as it protects us from dangers. You should feel fear when you walk down a dark alley, or jump from a plane. But, why do you feel fear when you attempt something new? That is the fear that you should examine. Take this fear to heart, open it up and disect it. What is the worst that can happen to you? What is the best that can happen to you? Is this fear protecting you or holding you back?

I will be developing a workbook with "Feel the Fear" as the main theme. I will keep you posted.

Keep smiling!!!

Seize the day

www.coaching4tomorrow.com is posting from Northpole, Alaska!

I have just returned from sharing in the happiness of my half-sister as she graduated from High School and looks on with slight trepidation to College. The ceremony was too long or too short depending on where you were sitting, and what you were thinking about. Utilizing one hour and forty minutes to sum up 13 years of school, of graduating from not only high school, but from childhood, is really not so long. This rite of passage is what we use to usher the next generation out of the nest and into the harsh realities of life. College provides a buffer for some and causes others to chomp at the bit. Life is out there! Seize the day! One of the students gave an amazing speech about not just coasting, but to go out and seize the day! She asked if any of them had yet seized the day, and if they had not, then to look for opportunities to grab life and go!

She made me think about my life and I wondered if I had truly ever seized the day? Had I just coasted and chosen always the easy path? How do we know if we have chosen to seize the day? Or do we just let life seize us?

Have you seized the day? Are you still waiting for life? Are you regretting missed opportunities? Have you thrown aside your “childish” dreams and settled for what you have? Do you appreciate what you do have? Do you wake up every morning happy to be alive and ready to seize the day and all the opportunities each one offers?

One way to make sure each day doesn’t slide by is to grab your journal and every night jot down five items that you appreciated that day! Sometimes it is hard to come up with five things, one item could just be “I appreciate that I am still breathing!”

Stay tuned for the upcoming “I appreciate life and will seize the day” journal! I am opening a new segment on my website which will be devoted to following your heart and dreams. The products will be online classes and e-books all available for purchase! I am excited about this new addition to my site and know you will be also!

So go out and seize the day! Please email me and let me know how you seized the day!

I need a Kevlar vest!

I never thought that school violence would ever affect me or my family. I mean that happens to others, not us. But sadly enough it did reach out and touch my Alaskan family, luckily the children were stopped before they started their horrible plan. I emphasize children. These were 13 year old children, did they really even realize what they were about to embark on? I don't know, I can only hope that somehow for some of them it will be a wake up call for both them and their parents.

The interesting part was to see how the town banded together and even started to make jokes about it. That is how we as humans deal with tragedies, we joke and thank our lucky stars that we were spared. Then we feel guilty, because we are relieved that it didn't happen to us.

Most places are now offering crisis counseling to those effected in the event of a life changing event. I always urge people to take advantage of this counseling, as post traumatic syndrome can affect any and all of us. People might say, but the kids were stopped, nothing happened, I am fine, or don't be silly. But, how many of us were horribly affected by 9/11, even though we may have lived thousands of miles away and knew no one that was directly affected. But, it changed our world and how we looked at it. "Almost" violence can do the same thing, it changes how you look at the world, how you look at people. Don't let it eat at you, talk to someone or at least write it down.

So, will kevlar vests and metal detectors and police security become a normal part of our lives in the future? Will we become so immune to it we won't even notice it any more? Those of you that travel alot, do you even think twice about taking off your shoes and practically stripping at the airport security checkpoint? I don't, yet 6 years ago, I use to be the person that had to run to catch the plane. Now, I know that isn't possible and actually get to the airport 2 hours early! (A side benefit, my stress level is less)

Violence or almost violence will effect all of at some time in our lives, what we do in the aftermath will determine how it will effect our future.

So, those of you with kids, please talk to them, help them set a goal for their future. Use the same tools that I pass on to you. If our children have goals, maybe they will be less likely to follow the wrong person.

I am just happy and relieved my family is ok, and that I am headed up to Alaska for something exciting and happy. Holly, my lovely half sister, is graduating from high school!

Why do we drive around

www.coaching4tomorrow.com posting once again from Malibu!

Why when we are going to the gym do we drive around and around looking for a place as close as we can find to the entrance? Sometimes, I think we try to achieve our goals the same way. We look for the easiest way to achieve them. Ok, so maybe that is a weird analogy, but is it really? If you are going to the gym, aren't you trying to get in shape, lose calories, tone up? So, why not park as far as you can and get a little more exercise? (Ok, if the weather is bad that is a good excuse!, though we rarely have that bad of weather here in California, except this week maybe!)
Anyway, lately I have been thinking about various goals I have set and achieved. The ones that I have achieved, always appear to be ones that involve other people. I don't want to disappoint them so I achieve the goal. Look at the goals you have set for yourself, which ones are you achieving? Do you achieve ones that only effect you initially? If not, then look into the reason why not? What about disappointing yourself? Write down your goals, write next to each goal who that goal will really effect? Why aren't you achieving the goals that initially effect only you?

Good luck...

What me? Go on vacation?Thats my goal!

www.coaching4omorrow.com is posting from Vera Cruz, Mexico!


Six months ago I decided I wanted to go to Vera Cruz for a few weeks. But, my logical self said, that won't happen, you have a business to run, you have animals to take care of, you have a house that needs a lot of TLC. The reasons why I couldn't go were long, including of all things, an expired passport!

As the reasons kept spiraling around in my head, I finally said this is crazy! I wrote down all the reasons why I couldn't go. Believe me the list was LONG! Then I wrote down the reasons I should go and follow my desire to see Vera Cruz. There was one. "Because I want to!" Hmm, the negatives definitely out weighed the positives for sure. How many times have we used a pro and con list for making decisions? Most times the con side is a lot longer then the pro side, so we stay in our comfort zone and stay where we are. I decided to practice what I preach and make the decision using the S.N.A.P. goal setting program I have developed. I wondered, would it work with a small goal such as a vacation?

So here it goes -
Is it Specific? - yes, I WANT to go to Vera Cruz, Mexico in March 2006. That was as specific as you could get.

Is it in the Now? - Is it truly possible to go to Mexico? Are there planes that will get me there? is it safe? - The answer was a resounding yes to all questions

Is it Achieveable? - This was where I then proceeded to list all the reasons why I couldn't go and why not. As I wrote them down, I wrote solutions to each "problem", I listed a time line as to when it needed to be accomplished.

Is it Purposeful? First I think it is important to define "Purposeful” According to one definition the word purpose is a deliberately thought-through goal. The dictionary defines it as having meaning through having an aim. For other interesting definitions check this link -

http://www.reference.com/browse/wiki/Purpose

I decided it was purposeful, I went through all my reasons why not and slowly devised ways to change the no's to all become a resounding yes! In addition, I regularly and vividly imagine my goal as accomplished. I could see myself, sitting by the pool sipping pina coladas! In addition, I shared my goal with my friends so they could support and encourage my actions in achieving my goal!

Now some of you might be shaking your head and saying, well anyone can figure out a way to go on vacation! What was so exciting was to follow the system and shake myself out of my comfort zone! The best part is that I can (sadly) work just as easily from Mexico as from home! I have a wonderful system in place that allows me to work from anywhere and I have wonderful friends that are watching my animals! All you have to do is ask and people will help you accomplish any goal that you have! If you want to learn more about the S.N.A.P. goal achievement program or how to set up a system for you business to run without you, please feel free to email me at susan@coaching4tomorrow.com.

Happy vacations to all!